A Middle-Aged Shopper's Nightmare

Saturday I decided to go shopping because I was in the mood, we didn't have anything else going on, and John was home to watch the kids.  The stars were aligned just right.  It happens rarely.  I did most of my shopping at the one and only mall in my town.  It is a run down mall that hardly anyone frequents anymore.  Many stores including The Gap, Mervyns, JC Penney, and lots of others have recently closed in this mall. There have been many rumors about the mall being renovated but who knows when or if that will actually happen.  I'm okay with it though because they do have an Ann Taylor and a Gymboree.  On Saturday, apparently the stars aligned for a lot more people than just me.  I don't know if I had ever seen our mall that crowded.  I would be surprised if we got that many people there on the day after Thanksgiving. Anyway, it made me feel cool to be in such a popular mall even if it was being popular for the first time I had ever witnessed.  

Now, just because Ann Taylor and Gymboree are the only places I actually buy stuff at does not mean I don't try to branch out to other stores.  One store that I go into every time I go to the mall is Hollister Co..  Why?  Because that's the cool store.  That's the store that I kept hearing was going to be opening up in our mall.  People made such a fuss about it that I almost felt unworthy to receive such an honor.  Anyway, as I implied earlier, I like to feel cool so I make sure and go into Hollister Co. whenever I can and every time it proves to me that I am SO not cool.  I simply don't belong in that store.  For many reasons.  The #1 reason being that they simply don't want my kind there so they try to make sure I'll hate the experience.  And it works.  I hate everything about it.  

First, there's fear of the unknown.  You can't see into the store from the mall.  You have to walk in almost like you would a spook house.  You go around the corner having no idea what might jump out at you.  Already we are off to a bad start.

Second, after you do venture around the corner something does jump out at you.  A teenage girl folding jeans looks up and instead of saying, "BOO!" like they would in a spook house she says, "What's up?"  I'm thinking, "Hold on.  That's 'What's up, MAAM?' to you."  I think I'd rather have a monster jump out at me. 

Then there's the lighting.  Do they actually want you to be able to see the clothes that you're going to buy or are they just continuing on with the spook house theme?

Last, the loud music.  Holy cow.  It's like being surrounded  by shrieking demons.  

When I came home from shopping I complained about all of this to John and he pointed out that they're trying to appeal to teenagers and the only way teenagers will want to go in there is if old people like me don't.  That's where I get the last laugh.  I'm still planning on going there whenever I have the chance.  It's my own little game of truth or dare.  Am I daring enough to walk in, go all the way to the back of the store and go back out again? Yes.  And I'm going to keep playing this game until my mid-life crisis is over.  And by then, my kids will be teenagers. No wonder they're the only store that's actually prospering in our sad, sorry little mall.