Random Quotes

Sydney: "When I grow up I want to be a vet. But not a veterinarian because I want to be able to take care of animals but be able to eat them too."

Brooklyn: "Remember the Junie B. Jones ride we went on at Disneyland?" (referring to Indiana Jones)

RV 101

Though I enjoy going to California to visit my family it becomes more and more difficult to make the long drive. The first day of the drive, everyone does okay. By the second day the novelty has worn off a little but we're not yet completely miserable. Really it's the drive back that kills us. By then everyone is at the end of their ropes and in no mood to be cooped up in a mini van with each other for 20 hours. This year we knew we could no longer put it off and a visit to Bakersfield for Christmas was imminent. Again, I enjoy being there, I just don't enjoy the trip so the anticipation was bittersweet. Just days before the long journey we decided to go the adventurous route and rent an RV. Not just any RV but the monster of all RVs. A 34 footer. After deciding this the drive no longer filled me with dread. Anxiety, yes. Dread, no. The lesser of two evils I suppose. We ended up having a great time but I did learn a few valuable lessons on the trip that I wanted to record for future reference and also share with anyone out there who might be considering an RV trip in the near or distant future.

Lesson #1 So You've Decided To Go RVing
The first thing you should know about renting an RV is that pets are generally not allowed. Make sure you find a suitable place for your pet to stay while you are away. For example Golden Retrievers and pet bunny rabbits DO NOT mix. If the people you are considering leaving your Golden Retriever with happen to have a bunny rabbit it is important to note that Golden Retrievers are hunting dogs and it WILL EAT the bunny rabbit, making it an awkward homecoming along with the possibility of you having to uproot your family and move far, far away for embarassment sake.

Lesson #2 Road Safety
While RVs are easy enough to drive down the road, backing up is an entirely different story. It is important to note that your RV is quite tall. Just because you can't see anything directly behind you doesn't mean that there is not a tree branch furtively swooping down ready to smash in the back ladder. In the unlikely event that this should happen to you, don't worry, the RV that you are in is so massive that you will not feel a thing and probably won't even know that it happened until you are filling up with gas.

Lesson #3 Where Should I Park My RV?
Most novice RVers usually make plans to park in what is known as an RV park. We made this common error twice on our trip and then it became clear that we should pull over anywhere we darn well pleased and go to bed. Truly, any Costco parking lot or residential street will do.

Lesson #4 What Should I Do If People Start Referring To Me As Cousin Eddie?
This is completely normal and should come to be expected by any RVer traveling over Christmas break.

Lesson #5 You And Your Refundable Rental Deposit
It is a common misunderstanding that most people plan on getting most of this deposit back. In reality, no one ever gets their deposit back so before you leave on your trip make sure that you kiss it goodbye.

Lesson #6 Traveling Through Wyoming
Any wise RVer knows that Wyoming weather is extremely windy and what I like to refer to as "undesirable". If you should make the mistake of driving through, your awning will fall off. This is a very important lesson that some RVers tend to forget after experiencing it the first time just 10 years prior.

Lesson #7 Mechanical Failure Troubleshooting
The only mechanical feature on the RV that you need worry about breaking would be the stairs that pop out automatically when you open the door and likewise close when you close the door. You needn't worry too much about this because they won't break until you drive it up to your house at the very end of your trip. No harm done. All it means is that you now have a 3rd deductible to pay.

Lesson #8 What Should I Do If My Husband Inadvertently Locks Me In The Back Room?
Standard protocol states that you should be calm at first, waiting patiently for your husband to hear you knocking on the door despite the fact that he is driving down the interstate or for your children to wake up from their slumbers and rescue you. When this does not happen step 2 would be to lay back down on your bed and try to go back to sleep. When you find that your bladder simply will not stand for this it is now time to start panicking a little and banging on the door a little louder. Obviously, this is not going to help so now is the time to become a little hysterical. Only on the inside however because it wouldn't due to express hysteria when there is no one there to witness it. After hysteria sets in, try laying back down on the bed and staring at the ceiling as though you are in lock down in some mental institution. Of course, this will also do you no good at all so now is the time to let desperation creep in. By so doing, it will cause you to open the back window and pound on the side of the RV reaching your hand out the window as far as it will go and flailing it around as one final attempt at freedom. If this does not work the first time, keep trying until your loving husband hears a quiet banging and happens to glance out his rear view mirror. I assure you, it will bring you great relief to finally feel the RV start to slow down and pull over. When your husband opens the door say to him, "What is this? Your torture chamber?" And all will be well that ends well. Let's review those steps again:
Step 1. Patience
Step 2. Panic
Step 3. Hysteria
Step 4. Desperation
Step 5. Question

Lesson #9 Dumping Your Sewer
Dumping your sewer is never a fun job but if you are lucky you will find someone out in Utah who lets you dump it for free. There's nothing to it, really. Just make sure that the hoses are attached properly and you're set to go. Of course, since the ground is frozen the sewage will have no where to go but on top of the snow. However, you should feel good about this because at least you didn't dump it into the sidewalk sewer at your dad's house like Cousin Eddie would have done.

Lesson #10 Have Fun
The most important thing to remember is to have fun. This, you will not be able to avoid. You will be making many precious family memories on you RV adventure and it is a lifetime experience that you will never forget.  Just make sure you bring your camera and a journal so you can record all those events that some day you are bound to look back and laugh at.

One Final Note

If upon your return you should decide that despite the fun you had on your journey RVing is really not for you, don't be surprised when you win a free 4 day rental for the spring in a Christmas drawing you did not even know you had entered.  Happy RVing!