Random Quotes

Sydney: "When I grow up I want to be a vet. But not a veterinarian because I want to be able to take care of animals but be able to eat them too."

Brooklyn: "Remember the Junie B. Jones ride we went on at Disneyland?" (referring to Indiana Jones)

RV 101

Though I enjoy going to California to visit my family it becomes more and more difficult to make the long drive. The first day of the drive, everyone does okay. By the second day the novelty has worn off a little but we're not yet completely miserable. Really it's the drive back that kills us. By then everyone is at the end of their ropes and in no mood to be cooped up in a mini van with each other for 20 hours. This year we knew we could no longer put it off and a visit to Bakersfield for Christmas was imminent. Again, I enjoy being there, I just don't enjoy the trip so the anticipation was bittersweet. Just days before the long journey we decided to go the adventurous route and rent an RV. Not just any RV but the monster of all RVs. A 34 footer. After deciding this the drive no longer filled me with dread. Anxiety, yes. Dread, no. The lesser of two evils I suppose. We ended up having a great time but I did learn a few valuable lessons on the trip that I wanted to record for future reference and also share with anyone out there who might be considering an RV trip in the near or distant future.

Lesson #1 So You've Decided To Go RVing
The first thing you should know about renting an RV is that pets are generally not allowed. Make sure you find a suitable place for your pet to stay while you are away. For example Golden Retrievers and pet bunny rabbits DO NOT mix. If the people you are considering leaving your Golden Retriever with happen to have a bunny rabbit it is important to note that Golden Retrievers are hunting dogs and it WILL EAT the bunny rabbit, making it an awkward homecoming along with the possibility of you having to uproot your family and move far, far away for embarassment sake.

Lesson #2 Road Safety
While RVs are easy enough to drive down the road, backing up is an entirely different story. It is important to note that your RV is quite tall. Just because you can't see anything directly behind you doesn't mean that there is not a tree branch furtively swooping down ready to smash in the back ladder. In the unlikely event that this should happen to you, don't worry, the RV that you are in is so massive that you will not feel a thing and probably won't even know that it happened until you are filling up with gas.

Lesson #3 Where Should I Park My RV?
Most novice RVers usually make plans to park in what is known as an RV park. We made this common error twice on our trip and then it became clear that we should pull over anywhere we darn well pleased and go to bed. Truly, any Costco parking lot or residential street will do.

Lesson #4 What Should I Do If People Start Referring To Me As Cousin Eddie?
This is completely normal and should come to be expected by any RVer traveling over Christmas break.

Lesson #5 You And Your Refundable Rental Deposit
It is a common misunderstanding that most people plan on getting most of this deposit back. In reality, no one ever gets their deposit back so before you leave on your trip make sure that you kiss it goodbye.

Lesson #6 Traveling Through Wyoming
Any wise RVer knows that Wyoming weather is extremely windy and what I like to refer to as "undesirable". If you should make the mistake of driving through, your awning will fall off. This is a very important lesson that some RVers tend to forget after experiencing it the first time just 10 years prior.

Lesson #7 Mechanical Failure Troubleshooting
The only mechanical feature on the RV that you need worry about breaking would be the stairs that pop out automatically when you open the door and likewise close when you close the door. You needn't worry too much about this because they won't break until you drive it up to your house at the very end of your trip. No harm done. All it means is that you now have a 3rd deductible to pay.

Lesson #8 What Should I Do If My Husband Inadvertently Locks Me In The Back Room?
Standard protocol states that you should be calm at first, waiting patiently for your husband to hear you knocking on the door despite the fact that he is driving down the interstate or for your children to wake up from their slumbers and rescue you. When this does not happen step 2 would be to lay back down on your bed and try to go back to sleep. When you find that your bladder simply will not stand for this it is now time to start panicking a little and banging on the door a little louder. Obviously, this is not going to help so now is the time to become a little hysterical. Only on the inside however because it wouldn't due to express hysteria when there is no one there to witness it. After hysteria sets in, try laying back down on the bed and staring at the ceiling as though you are in lock down in some mental institution. Of course, this will also do you no good at all so now is the time to let desperation creep in. By so doing, it will cause you to open the back window and pound on the side of the RV reaching your hand out the window as far as it will go and flailing it around as one final attempt at freedom. If this does not work the first time, keep trying until your loving husband hears a quiet banging and happens to glance out his rear view mirror. I assure you, it will bring you great relief to finally feel the RV start to slow down and pull over. When your husband opens the door say to him, "What is this? Your torture chamber?" And all will be well that ends well. Let's review those steps again:
Step 1. Patience
Step 2. Panic
Step 3. Hysteria
Step 4. Desperation
Step 5. Question

Lesson #9 Dumping Your Sewer
Dumping your sewer is never a fun job but if you are lucky you will find someone out in Utah who lets you dump it for free. There's nothing to it, really. Just make sure that the hoses are attached properly and you're set to go. Of course, since the ground is frozen the sewage will have no where to go but on top of the snow. However, you should feel good about this because at least you didn't dump it into the sidewalk sewer at your dad's house like Cousin Eddie would have done.

Lesson #10 Have Fun
The most important thing to remember is to have fun. This, you will not be able to avoid. You will be making many precious family memories on you RV adventure and it is a lifetime experience that you will never forget.  Just make sure you bring your camera and a journal so you can record all those events that some day you are bound to look back and laugh at.

One Final Note

If upon your return you should decide that despite the fun you had on your journey RVing is really not for you, don't be surprised when you win a free 4 day rental for the spring in a Christmas drawing you did not even know you had entered.  Happy RVing!

Christmas 2008

I like to write blogs as a stress relief.  And this Christmas season has been extremely stressful for me.  (Come on blog, work your healing magic.)   I have no one to blame but myself for this.  Our lives are really only as stressful as we make them, or let them be.  I made my life stressful but not because I like stress.  Then, "why?" you may ask.  I'll tell you.  I do it in the hopes that when I die, my kids will remember me for all those gingerbread houses I made for them and their friends instead of the homework nag that I am.  I do it so that instead of remembering me as the "Piano Nazi" (which I like to call myself) they'll remember all those great gifts I made them by hand for Christmas.  Instead of remembering me as the bedroom cleaning oppressor, maybe they'll remember me as the great mom who threw each of them their own individual Christmas parties out of the kindness of my heart.  Maybe they'll remember the trip to California/Disneyland over all those times I woke them up early and forced them out of bed to get ready for school.   And maybe, just maybe, Bryton will remember how I pulled him out of school and took him to a matinee and Sydney, Brooklyn and Whitney will remember how I dressed them all up and brought them to see the Nutcracker instead of how I was always telling them to get off the computer and turn off the television.  And why does writing this blog make me feel better?  Because I know that if I should die tomorrow, eventually my kids will read this out of curiosity and be forced to remember all my "cool momisms".  Thus I shall have one last chance to oppress them.

-The Dictator  

When I grow up...

The other day I went (I'm resisting the temptation to say, "I got to go") to the fire station with my daughter's preschool.  I'm quite certain that I was looking forward to the occasion much more than any of the preschoolers.  How many chances do you get as an adult to go on a field trip to a fire station?  This excitement had nothing to do with the crush I've had on the word "fireman" since 9/11.  I assure you it was the same type of excitement that a preschooler might show, only magnified because I'm more aware of how rare such opportunities are.  I tried to act nonchalant as we walked around the station looking at their kitchen, exercise room, dormitory, etc..  But when they broke out the uniform, that was it for me.  As they were letting each preschooler have their turn trying on the mask, the words, "Can I try it on?" escaped my lips.   And it didn't stop there.  Once I got going I found I couldn't stop.  I started asking for pieces of their uniform in the same manner a surgeon might ask a nurse for his/her instruments during surgery.  I got completely geared up and ready to go.  This got the wheels in my head turning.  I started thinking, "Maybe I should be a fireman.  I could do this."  I started quizzing them on what I would have to do to get to where they are.  They started explaining the process and I listened intently.  I was  pretty discouraged when I found out how competitive  it is.  But then they told me I could do a ride along any time I wanted.  All I would need to do is sign a paper saying  that I wouldn't blame them if I died on the way.  I was pretty sure I'd found a new career as a "ride-along fireman".  

About 3 days later I went to get my hair done.  As I chatted with my "hair-dresser-by-day-strip- club-bouncer-by-night" stylist I found myself taking the same sort of interest in his line of work. (Not the strip club bouncing)  I started asking him, "So, how much is the tuition for beauty school?"  "How long does it take to be a hair dresser?"  "What kinds of things do you have to do while you're becoming a hair stylist."   As he answered my questions (he seemed only slightly annoyed with his inability to concentrate) the wheels in my head started turning again.  I thought, "Maybe I should be a hair stylist."  "It wouldn't take very long."  "It might be kind of fun."  

For some reason I keep having to remind myself that I already am what I'm going to be when I grow up.  Just last night I suddenly became alarmed at the realization that I'm going to be 40 in another 3 short years.  Not exactly the ideal stage of life for starting up a new career.  Although, since the fire station and the hair dresser I've also seriously considered going to med school to be a doctor and teaching Portuguese at CSU.   And I am up for suggestions.  

A Middle-Aged Shopper's Nightmare

Saturday I decided to go shopping because I was in the mood, we didn't have anything else going on, and John was home to watch the kids.  The stars were aligned just right.  It happens rarely.  I did most of my shopping at the one and only mall in my town.  It is a run down mall that hardly anyone frequents anymore.  Many stores including The Gap, Mervyns, JC Penney, and lots of others have recently closed in this mall. There have been many rumors about the mall being renovated but who knows when or if that will actually happen.  I'm okay with it though because they do have an Ann Taylor and a Gymboree.  On Saturday, apparently the stars aligned for a lot more people than just me.  I don't know if I had ever seen our mall that crowded.  I would be surprised if we got that many people there on the day after Thanksgiving. Anyway, it made me feel cool to be in such a popular mall even if it was being popular for the first time I had ever witnessed.  

Now, just because Ann Taylor and Gymboree are the only places I actually buy stuff at does not mean I don't try to branch out to other stores.  One store that I go into every time I go to the mall is Hollister Co..  Why?  Because that's the cool store.  That's the store that I kept hearing was going to be opening up in our mall.  People made such a fuss about it that I almost felt unworthy to receive such an honor.  Anyway, as I implied earlier, I like to feel cool so I make sure and go into Hollister Co. whenever I can and every time it proves to me that I am SO not cool.  I simply don't belong in that store.  For many reasons.  The #1 reason being that they simply don't want my kind there so they try to make sure I'll hate the experience.  And it works.  I hate everything about it.  

First, there's fear of the unknown.  You can't see into the store from the mall.  You have to walk in almost like you would a spook house.  You go around the corner having no idea what might jump out at you.  Already we are off to a bad start.

Second, after you do venture around the corner something does jump out at you.  A teenage girl folding jeans looks up and instead of saying, "BOO!" like they would in a spook house she says, "What's up?"  I'm thinking, "Hold on.  That's 'What's up, MAAM?' to you."  I think I'd rather have a monster jump out at me. 

Then there's the lighting.  Do they actually want you to be able to see the clothes that you're going to buy or are they just continuing on with the spook house theme?

Last, the loud music.  Holy cow.  It's like being surrounded  by shrieking demons.  

When I came home from shopping I complained about all of this to John and he pointed out that they're trying to appeal to teenagers and the only way teenagers will want to go in there is if old people like me don't.  That's where I get the last laugh.  I'm still planning on going there whenever I have the chance.  It's my own little game of truth or dare.  Am I daring enough to walk in, go all the way to the back of the store and go back out again? Yes.  And I'm going to keep playing this game until my mid-life crisis is over.  And by then, my kids will be teenagers. No wonder they're the only store that's actually prospering in our sad, sorry little mall.

The Petersens

                                                                      

Is this not a nice looking family??  I challenge anyone to tell me that this is not an extremely attractive family.  This is all the family that came from Denver and Utah to attend Sydney's baptism. Four of John's 8 siblings and their families plus his parents.   We had a great time hanging out with everyone.  The kids LOVED going trick-or-treating the night before with their cousins.  I'm a little ashamed to admit that John, April and I ditched the trick-or-treating on Halloween night to go to the BYU football fireside.  If you read my previous blog on Halloween you might understand why I wasn't sad to miss out.  Although it was interesting to observe that the football players were.  After the fireside one of the football players was taking us to find Harvey Unga so we could have him sign Bryton's jersey.  We were amused to finally find him and some of his teammates across the street trick-or-treating.  I'm going to go ahead and attribute their near loss to CSU to too much candy the night before.  Maybe I should run that theory by Bronco if I see him.  

A "Bone" To Pick

Saturday was my doggie's birthday.  He turned one year old.  Did you know that you can buy doggie birthday cakes at Super Target in the ice cream section?  Poor Captain got no such thing.  And that has nothing to do with Super Target proximity now that you can see it from my kitchen window.  There was plenty of partying going on due to Sydney's baptism, Halloween, and the BYU football game at CSU (more to come on those later) but Captain had to stay in the backyard for most, if not all of it.  As I like to say: "Poooor Dogggggie."  So, as a birthday tribute,  I am going to write a biography of his first year of life.  The events will be listed in chronological order.

1.  December 25, 2007   Captain came to live with us.  He must have been a little shaken up from all the noise.  Brooklyn had not stopped crying from having a stocking holder fall on her head.  We would have waited for her to calm down but he was getting a little impatient inside that big box.  So out he came and most of the kids were so excited.  Even Brooklyn's shrieks grew instantly quieter so you know it must have really been something.  Bryton was a little bit in shock but Sydney without hesitation picked him up and started running around saying, "I love him!  I love him!"

2. Captain went on his first ski trip.  Cousin Keaton came along to baby/dog sit.

3. Captain ate an entire 5 lb. bag of chocolate chips.   Since chocolate is lethal to dogs, our neighbor who is a veterinarian gave him an I.V. to try to help flush it out of him.  He was badly shaken but pulled out of it.

4.  Captain ate rat poison.  He was rushed to the animal hospital and had to stay there for 2 days.  The vet was very concerned because of all rat poisons, this was the most lethal.  Somehow he pulled through. Again.

5. Captain ate a pan of homemade brownies.  Kathleen panicked and poured hydrogen peroxide down his throat to try to make him throw up.  She later learned that it needs to be diluted so she poured water down his throat as an after thought in order to dilute it in his stomach.  Captain pulled through.  He is now 3 for 3.

6. Captain went on a trip to Lake McConaghey and was in doggie heaven.

7.  Captain ate a red ink pen on our brand new carpet.  The carpet turned red and had to be replaced.  4 for 4.

    

As you can see he is a very active doggie with a dual personality.  Half of his personality has a death wish.  The other  half has a strong will to live.  You know the saying, "What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger."  At this rate, he ought to live a very long time.  At least we hope he does because in between all those big disasters and the small ones that I didn't mention he has been the perfect companion.  Bryton finally has someone to rough house with and share a bedroom with.  Whitney has a friend to play with while all of her siblings are in school.  I have a walking/jogging/biking companion.  John has been training him and some day, if he ever gets a spare minute, hopes to take him bird hunting.  Sydney and Brooklyn love to take him out on walks.  And he makes a very soft, warm pillow to watch T.V. with.  

So yes, he's been a handful, but he's been worth every minute of it.  Good boy, Captain!  Good boy! (We haven't taught him "happy birthday" yet.)